He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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