like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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