whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
