No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
