No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
