Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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