Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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