Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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