I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
