Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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