dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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