How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
