I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
