so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
