wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
