you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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