my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
