I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
