my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
