What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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