That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
