I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
is it fun? or sober?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
