Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
