I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
