i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
