Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sarcasm needs its own font
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
