Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dicks are not precious.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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