Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
