In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
