Sponge bath it is.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
