Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
