Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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