there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
and you fell through a lawn chair
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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