I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
These tits shall not be calmed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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