the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
