Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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