Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
