I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
40s are totally the cure
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
