there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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