i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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