end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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