I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
