my vag is so smooth its legendary
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
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You. Win. At. Life.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
