don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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