If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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