She announced her abortion via fbk
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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