i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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