All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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