i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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