He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
