I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
